Translating Anxiety into Art: The First Bloom (Part 4)
Trigger Warning: anxiety, intrusive thoughts
Oliver’s surgery was successful and he recovered much more quickly than expected. My boy grew stronger over the next several months, but I didn’t. Jason suggested that I sign up for an art class to begin recovering the pieces of myself that I’d lost.
After too much consideration, I enrolled in a weekly watercolor class. With a curious toddler exploring the house, it seemed like the safest medium to have on hand; and, having dabbled in oils and acrylics years before, I arrogantly assumed watercolor would be easy to pick up.
An early attempt at painting a flower
Much like in the early months of motherhood, I was immediately humbled, frustrated, and in love. Mesmerized by the first burst of pigment to crawl across the water to the organic blooms left behind once it dried. Painting became my nap time meditation. I was still struggling, but I was creating for myself again.
As Oliver outgrew the need for naps, more of my time was spent on playdates than painting. The anxiety and intrusive thoughts became so faint that I could almost ignore them if I stayed too busy to notice.
Then the world shut down in 2020, just before Oliver’s fifth birthday. It was harder than ever to stay busy and everything I thought I’d quieted flooded back in a dissonant crescendo too loud to ignore. I left a tearful message for a therapist I’d never met. After a few weeks of even more tearful sessions, I picked up my paintbrush again.
Exciting Announcement!
I recently contributed to this art journal for mothers and birthing people! If you have children, know folks with kids, or work with mothers and birthing people, this project is definitely worth checking out.
About the Books
Entwined is an anthology that weaves together stories of creativity and motherhood. This is a grassroots project including 55 mothers who are painters, writers, potters, visual artists, musicians, poets, and multipassionates. The purpose of this project is to inspire mothers to pursue creativity in their own way.
Ember is an art journal companion. A variety of creative prompts (writing, observation, ideating, dreaming, and making) curated to help mothers to kindle their creative sparks.
You can support the project by preordering, donating a copy, or sharing on social media.
Stay tuned for the final post in this series,Translating Anxiety into Art: Inspiration and Resonance (Part 5)! Drop your email in the footer below and I’ll let you know when it’s published.
The Postpartum Collection: Translating Anxiety into Art was originally published on June 25, 2024 in the Moms Mental Health Initiative Stories of Hope blog.
