Unmasking the Artist: On confronting insecurity for a magazine feature

I was recently featured on the cover of Neighbors of Windsor & DeForest, for my work on the Dragons of DeForest public art installation!

When Julie Snyder first approached me for an interview, I assumed it was for a short newspaper article. I was happy to offer up a quote and maybe share a couple photos. But, when I received more details and learned that the hour-long interview about my art career was for a magazine feature complete with photoshoot, my stomach churned:

What is unique about my story?
Who would want to read about me?

Sure, I’d always been artistic, but that didn’t seem particularly unique. I only really began taking my artwork seriously a few years ago when I opened Mindy Wara Studio and started spending dedicated time and energy on honing my craft and building my business. Before that, I was mostly making gifts for friends and family, selling handmade jewelry at craft fairs, and coming up with art projects to share with my son. I didn’t truly develop my painting style until 2021.

The day before the interview, I created an timeline of milestones to mention. I outlined everything as far back as college, where I bounced between the humanities until I landed in the English department, preparing to become a high school teacher. When Julie called, I got nervous and focused far too much on the minute details - squeezing every drop of interesting out of my meandering career to hopefully weave a compelling story. Reflecting on it now, I don’t think I left much room for her to even ask many questions - I just started talking while she frantically tried to write it all down.

When she was able to get a word in, she seemed particularly interested in my family’s role in my studio practice. Since I work out of an in-home studio, it often doubles as a family room where my son and his neighborhood friends craft, where we color while watching movies, and often where we fold laundry.

The interviewer mentioned that the next step would be a photoshoot with their photographer, Jenny Ripley, and that she would love a few photos of me with my family for the article as well.

I have a complicated relationship with photography.

Just look at that painfully awkward buddy cop pose from a Walmart photo session!

While I deeply appreciate a beautifully captured photo, I struggle with being the subject. Growing up with a younger sister who loved having her photo taken, I was often teased for appearing stiff and disingenuous in photos by comparison. Coupled with a history of body dysmorphia, I often take every opportunity to be behind the lens rather than in front of it.

But - I truly want beautifully taken photos. I’ve put off scheduling a brand photoshoot for the Studio for a couple years now, even though I desperately want softly lit, thoughtfully composed photos of me from just the right angle that will elevate how me and my Studio show up in the world.

When she mentioned wanting my family to participate in the photoshoot, I was excited - the last time we had family photos taken was five years ago, so we were long overdue. However, I know neither my husband or my son enjoy having their photos taken either, so it would be a tough sell.

Jason, as always, agreed to wear whatever I wanted for the photoshoot, but Oliver was hesitant. He knew I would ask him to wear something nicer than his usual uniform of a Jurassic Park t-shirt and basketball shorts. He’s also quite private and selective about public appearances and was uncomfortable with the idea of being on the cover of a magazine. After talking about why we were having the photos taken, he agreed to participate without complaining - for five dollars. (I definitely got the better end out of that deal).

Ahead of the photoshoot, I bought Jason and Oliver new clothes to wear and meticulously researched how best to pose in order to magically change how my body shape would appear in photos. However, the morning of the shoot, I was frantic. Having absolutely no concept of time (time blindness), I didn’t get in the shower until 90 minutes before we were to be onsite. I didn’t pick out my own clothes until 20 minutes before, while simultaneously trying to blow dry my hair.

Driving to the shoot, my stomach sank when I realized I had left my overshirt at home. All I could think about was the sharp contrast between my black, sleeveless dress and my thick, fair upper arms. Jason reassured me as I fought back a meltdown, so as not to cry off my rarely worn mascara.

photo by Jenny Ripley

Fittingly, the photoshoot was held at the Upper Yahara River Trail, where the dragon I painted is installed for the summer. We took some photos with the dragon before heading down the path towards the river to find a more scenic backdrop. While we walked, Jenny and I discussed taking a few candid, more natural photos. She loved the idea and when we came to the river, asked if I would be comfortable wading into the river a bit to paint. Thankful for the opportunity to do something other than smile directly into the camera, I slid off my shoes, hiked up my skirt, and made my way to the largest rock near the riverbank. Once I was situated, Jason handed me my painting supplies. In that moment, they felt like a security blanket and I could finally relax a bit.

Alongside the pride and excitement I felt about this opportunity, being featured in a magazine, like many of the honors and achievements I’ve received, always sparks an invasive and all too familiar whisper: “Why me?”

When my work is celebrated or recognized, I feel like I’m preparing for a performance. I cling to my mask, tamping down meltdowns, fighting back tears, and trying to ignore the negative self-talk. I obsess over the details, trying to make every aspect of my life look effortless. In short, it looks like I really have my shit together.

The more I lean into the work I am most passionate about, the more these types of opportunities present themselves. Simultaneously, as I learn more about myself as a late-diagnosed, neurodivergent person, masking is becomes less appealing and much more difficult.

Did I stumble over my words in some of the quotes that made it into the article? Yes.
Are there imperfections about myself in the photos that will likely only bother me? Also yes.

But - the feature is such an honor and Jenny’s photos turned out beautifully. As I learn more about myself through this lens, I am gaining the courage to show up as my full self, holding both the truths of my accomplishments and challenges as necessary parts of my journey.